From the moment you find yourself trying to decipher the display of that little stick of fate, you enter into the world of life's greatest lessons. You're supposed to wait two full minutes but who actually has that kind of patience! Instead you sit there atop the lid of your Loo. Staring. Watching as one line quickly darkens, looking at the clock, seeing that it has only been thirty seconds. So bummed! And then as your are ready to toss that little stick in the trash you glance at it one more time. Wait, is that what I think it is? No it's too faint. Re-read the instructions, panic, quick google search "one faint line?" Bam! It hits you... you crack a smile, you silently squeal, you cry. All in a quick two minutes. Brace yourself. Life is about to hand it to you.
Lesson 1 : Strength
Before Haddie Mae was born I thought I knew what strength was. I thought that holding my hair back 15-20 times a day over the Loo at work, on the side of the freeway, in Target, in my best friends kitchen sink for twenty-three weeks straight was strength. I thought that arriving at the hospital on Sunday in labor to finally give birth on Tuesday to a 10lb 10oz baby was strength. Well I was wrong. Strength is being born after 37 weeks from a womb that couldn't fully support you. Strength is getting your blood drawn 17 times in one year. Or four Mag-3 Lasix tests. Strength is 8 days in Pediatric Intensive Care Unit after having your tongue operated on. Strength is learning to sit up on your own even with diastasis recti and an umbilical hernia. Or taking your first steps just days after having kidney surgery. In the short 16 months of her little life Haddie Mae has taught me more strength than I could have even imagined.
Lesson 2: Sacrifice
As you enter motherhood sacrifice is something you learn quickly. This lesson comes often and without much notice. Though most of the time, as strong as the word sounds, it goes unnoticed. Because often the sacrifice is followed with reward. With pregnancy comes a loss of many things. Sleep, comfort, body proportion. Immediately following these small sacrifices is the greatest reward. Although you may find much enjoyment complaining about each one you have no idea how much you are going to wish you would have eaten your words instead of that third piece of chocolate cake. These sacrifices are nothing in comparison to two big blue eyes wrapped in a cozy swaddle with a sticky out tongue staring up at you as if you are God all mighty Himself.
And still you have no idea what sacrifice is. And may not yet. But 23 hotel stays in LA away from your two favorite boys. Driving 500 miles round trip often with a screaming baby in tow. And $20,000+ that went from our pocket into the hands of our medical teams, gas stations and hotels sure seems like a sacrifice at times. Putting off dreams, date nights, trips to the hair salon, vacations. But the reward is worth every sacrifice. No matter how big or small they may seem. One very healthy happy girl who has taught our family life's greatest lessons.
Something tells me Haddie Mae has a lot more in store for us and I cannot wait to soak it all in.
Much love,
Melissa Hughes
